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Mirror Mirror

by Maegan Hover

April 2011

Rainy looked into the mirror that covered half of her bedroom wall. She brushed her brown hair that never seemed to do anything other than hang limply around her shoulders. She hated how she looked. She hated how her hair never curled. She hated her green eyes and how she needed contacts or glasses to see. She wanted to be someone else. She needed it.

She felt as if she had to maintain a good persona to even be considered attractive. She created several identities to hide behind. For Rainy, pretending to be someone else was easy. Perhaps it was too easy.

To her cheer squad, she had become a fun loving party girl named Ra-Ra. They had thought it sounded like an old cheer, and it stuck. To her church, she was a saint called Rae, because Rae sounded sweet. Her family knew her as the perfect daughter, Rain. But it was her boyfriend, Shane, who made Rainy realize she had lost her name, and her identity with it. Shane never said her name anymore. If he wanted her he would say something along the lines of “Hey you…” or “Bitch, get me that…”

“What are you waiting for?” a voice sounded. Rainy looked around the room, thinking that she’d find her little sister, Rebecca, lurking.

“Becca?”

“Nope,” the voice replied.

“Who’s there?” Rainy asked, trying to steady her voice.

“You.”

“Me?”

“Yes. Do you see anyone else?”

“No,” Rainy said, her eyes scanning the room again. Seeing no one she turned back to the mirror. The look on her reflected face surprised her. Her reflection was not reflecting what she knew as reality.

Rainy felt her face to ensure the look of confusion and horror was still plainly written there. It was. But the look on the reflection’s face was one of confidence and attitude. It reminded her of Ra-Ra. The reflection had her hair in a high ponytail and she wore Rainy’s black and green cheer uniform. Rainy looked down at her t-shirt and jeans and again at the refection.

“Finally,” Ra-Ra said, flipping her hair, “Ra-Ra you are so slow sometimes.”

“Excuse me?” still lost as to what was going on.

“You heard me.”

“But I’m not-“

“I’m you. Now stop this stupid fest, and let’s get on with it.” Ra-Ra said cutting her off before Rainy could explain that her name wasn’t Ra-Ra.

“Okay,” Rainy said, confused. She didn’t understand why Ra-Ra hadn’t said her name, but it didn’t seem wise or sane to argue with her reflection.

“So, answer my question.”

“Which one?”

“I only asked one,” Ra-Ra said, rolling her eyes, “What are you waiting on?”

“My sanity,” Rainy replied, honestly.

“No!” Ra-Ra said, losing her temper as was her nature, “I’m talking about the boy!”

“Shane?”

“No, I hate him. He is stupid, and he hurts us. I’m talking about Brian. The cutie who likes us.”

“Us?”

“Yes, there is more than one you now, because you were too afraid to be yourself.”

“I don’t like where this is going.”

“Too damn bad,” Ra-Ra laughed, “You don’t have a choice.”

“Yes, I do,” Rainy said, turning to leave, but she wasn’t sure that walking away would get her away from the voice the mirror had taken on.

“Better not,” Ra-Ra warned.

“Why?” Rainy asked, stopping.

“You feel empty, don’t you?” Ra-Ra asked, rhetorically. She knew Rainy felt an intense lack of self. Rainy nodded, not looking at the mirror. “That’s because you put too much of yourself in this mirror. Every day you look into it, wishing to see someone different. But you don’t ever change do you? Nope, always the same little Ra-Ra.”

“I am not Ra-Ra,” Rainy growled.

“Then who are you?” Ra-Ra teased.

“I’m Rainy!” she shouted, turning on the mirror, hitting it with her fist. Silence filled the room, but the foreboding of Ra-Ra’s words echoed through the emptiness as a crack formed around Rainy’s fist.

“Look what you’ve done!” an overly concerned voice came from the mirror. Rainy didn’t even blink as she looked into the eyes of her next self. She was well dressed and proper looking, wearing the same high ponytail. Around her neck hung the dainty cross necklace Rainy wore to church every Sunday.

“It’s fine,” Rainy said taking her fist away from the mirror. She winced as she felt shards of glass slice her skin.

“It most certainly is not! Your hand is all cut up and the mirror is cracked, and you still haven’t answered the question we all want to know.”

“About Brian?”

“Yes, of course,” the piece of Rainy replied. “What are you waiting on?”

Rainy let Brian surface in her mind. If she could create a perfect man it would be him. He had these sweet blue eyes and a smile that could knock a girl to her knees. It was he who caused all the turmoil within Rainy, and all it took was a single word from his perfect lips, her name.

“Hello?” the piece said breaking her train of thought, “are you going to answer?”

“Which one are you?” Rainy asked, ignoring the inquiry.

“That was not my question.”

“I don’t care. Which one?”

“Shouldn’t you know? I mean it is your name too?” the mirror said, annoyed.

“No, it’s not.”

“Your name isn’t Rae?” asked the reflection with a horrified look on her face.

Rainy shook her head, “No, it’s Rainy.”

“Well, that’s embarrassing,” Rae said, as she disappeared. For a moment the silence resumed, and then the mirror let forth a startling crack as the mirror cracked even further.

“You might want to get Daddy,” Rainy’s voice sounded again from the mirror. Rainy groaned as she met the eyes of Rain, a child-like version of herself. “He might be able to fix it,” she said with a sweet smile. Rainy was comforted by this version of herself. Rain reminded her of how she used to be. That must have been when the acting began, or maybe this was who she was originally meant to be.

“I don’t think Daddy can fix this one,” Rainy said.

“Don’t be afraid,” she said with a smile made to melt a father’s heart. “He will only be a little mad. He might lecture us like this,” Rain put on her best stern face and pointed her finger at Rainy. “’Rain, this was a very expensive mirror.’ And all you have to say is, ‘Sorry, daddy.’ And it will be okay!”

“Will it?”

“Yes!” the little girl grinned, but her smile faded as Rainy’s cell phone rang with a text from Shane.

“I’m scared of him,” Rain said, quietly. “The way he touches us is bad.”

“I know, but he’s what I deserve,” Rainy said, looking into Rain’s innocent eyes.

“No, Rain, we deserve Brian,” the little tyke said, smiling. Rainy thought of how Brian had stopped in the hallway to help her pick up her books after Shane had punched her in the arm. “Let me help you, Rainy,” was all he had said with a sweet smile, and then he was gone. But it was all that was required to win Rainy’s heart. It was after he walked away when she realized he had said her name. She hadn’t even known anyone remembered her real name.

“One problem,” Rainy said, breaking the happy thought, “My name is Rainy.” The little girl’s face fell as the crack widened.

Rainy wanted to run before the next face would appear. She knew that the only reflection left was the worst one. She was surprised when only a shadow appeared upon the mirror’s cracked surface.

“Hello,” Rainy heard her voice sound from the mirror.

“Hello,” she repeated.

“Let’s be done with it. What are you waiting on?”

“I’m waiting to be someone else.”

“That’s irrational,” the shadow replied.

“Why are you only a shadow?” Rainy asked. “The others were reflections of me.”

“I am still a reflection. I am showing you what Shane sees,” And then Rainy understood. The reflections had been how others saw her. She felt tears run down her face as she stared at the shadow.

“He doesn’t see anything?”

“No, we are nothing to him; you are nothing,” said the shadow. Sobs racked Rainy’s body. She couldn’t remember crying like this, not ever. She was nothing, the mirror was right; completely nothing, and there wasn’t anything she could do to change.

But there was something, Rainy looked up at the cracked mirror, and rallied her confidence.

“You’re wrong,” she said, her voice shaking.

“Nothing,” the mirror echoed.

“NO!” Rainy screamed, “I AM RAINY!”

The mirror fell from the wall and shattered onto the floor. When the pieces settled Rainy lifted her head. She felt light. The weight of the mirror was gone. She hadn’t felt this free in a long time. But free she was, and she wasn’t about to let it hold her back any longer. Rainy picked up her phone and dialed.

“Hello?” the voice came from the other end. Rainy smiled.

“Hey, it’s Rainy.”